April 2010

Driving through Sprowston approaching the new crossing near the Whalebone pub, I saw a woman with a dog on the pavement. She was still walking at a good speed when she suddenly wheeled through 90 degrees and onto the crossing. With a commanding outstretching of her right arm she simply continued across the zebra.  Unfortunately we were only a few yards away doing around 20 and just managed to stop. Funny though how she gave us a dirty look as she went.

On the ring road at theb junction with the Avenues a chap on a push bike came across very late (obviously on an amber light)  just as the traffic started to pull away.
 I was remarking about the incident to my pupil  when a small boy cycled furiously across the moving traffic trying to catch up with the man who was presumably his dad. The lad survived only to be greeted with a mouthful from the parent. Funny how it is always someonen else's fault.

Technically it was my fault when travelling north up Constitution Hill approaching the mini roundabout, I saw a car coming south at speed with no indicators on. I presumed he was going straight on and keptm up my speed. However he then braked hard and put on his right indicator coming across me. It was his right of way so I had to stop very sharply. He made some very rude gestures at me and itn probably never crossed his mind that hisn approach work was largely responsible for the problem.

Pulling out from the parade of shops on Wroxham Road turning left toward the Tesco Hyper store, I was amazed to see a car slip up our inside also turnimng left. I lowered my window and asked what he thought he was doing. 'Oh sorry, are you tyrning left as well?' he said. That is what that flashing amber thing on ther corner of my car is for, or so I thought.

City centre driving can always be a challenge and I always stress to my pupils about being in the correct lane especially at roundabouts. Therefore I was only a little surprised when at the Puppet Theatre roundabout we encountered a lady driver on our right side whom promply turned left in front of us. LUcky for us we were a bit slow away or we may have had a different entry in this blog.


March 2010

Approaching a gap on our side orf the road, I saw a white van coming in the opposite direction at speed. It was clear that he was not going to slow down even though it was our priority. My learner sussed the situation and held back, only top be greeted by the white van drivers insult of a clenched fist to the forehead as he sped through. How can people act that way? We did the civilised thing and get insulted for our pains.

New chap phoned up recently. Usual general initial inquirey. He then booked his first lesson for later in the week. I turned up at his house at the appointed time. No reply. Rang his mobile - no reply. Waited 10 minutes before leaving. Got hold of him that evening on his phone. As soon as I introduced myself he rang off. I later found out through a mutual friend that he had changed his mind about driving lessons. So what's wrong with letting me know?????

'After the next bend take the turning immediately on your left' I said to Claire. As we went round the bend and the corner came into view she said ' That's amazing. How did you know there was a road just around the bend?' After my initial amusement at the remark, I told her that I had been here before.

Not a good month for the car. I lost a day because of a suspension fault , then she started dripping oil at an alarming rate. Turned out ot be gear oil. The flange holding the gear box onto the engine is held in place by ten bolts. Incredibly all ten hed started to work loose. Not up to Peugeot's usual standard.

A local free magazine had an article headed' Pedestrian crossing made easy' . Unfortunately the way it was written only served to increase confusion and I wrote to the editor quoting the Highway Code on the subject  (both shorter and more clear than the article). I got a swift relpy stating that she understood the article perfectly. That is maybe but what about your readers?

February 2010

Driving along past the football ground the other day and out pulled a 28 ton lorry from having made a delivery at Morrisons. It was our priority but he was obviously intent on coming out. Tim saw him but kept going without slowing down. 'Have you seen the lorry?' I asked. 'Yes' came the reply still without any sign of slowing down. So I used the dual control and lt the lorry continue. 'Why did you not slow down if you had seen the lorry?' I asked. 'Becasue it was our right of way' Tim replied. So we had a meaningful discussion about whether it was best to be right and in hospital or give way. I think he got the message.

Coming into town along North Walsham road (i was driving) when the chap in front of me decided very late that he wanted to go into Norwich Rugby Club.  It was wet but I did have time to stop despite his very heavy late braking. Not so the girl following me. Was she too close or not concentrating - not sure but I saw in horror the fast appraoching vehicle and prepared for the hit. She however saw that at that point in the road there was a grass verge with no kerb, it was just wide enogh to fit a small car and so she went onto the grass and straight through on the inside missing both myself and the guy in front  (not to mention the hedge on the left) by inches. Best of all she didn't even stop but got back onto the road and carried on. I think I would have checked for damage first but I was just happy to still be in one piece.

More snow meant more chances to practice. But I was a bit miffed when having not missed a lesson in over a week in steadily improving conditions, I turned up at the Test Centre to be told 'no tests today' because of the ice and snow. Health ans Safety gone mad.

Doing a bay park on a sports field car park when over comes an old codger walking his dog. 'I want a word with you' says he. 'Can you tell your pals that they are causing delays on this estate doing their manoevers?' I apologised but confirmed that we have to do it somewhere. He thought that we could do all our practicing 'right here on this quiet car park'. Despite my view that this would not prepare clients for their test  - or the realities of life - he felt that all our needs could be met in safety off road. I hope the dog had more sense that its owner.
 
January 2010

Had great fun driving in the snow. Lots of opportunity to practice something that occurs so seldom. On a couple of occasions we even had the chance to use an industial estate on the weekend when deserted to practice deliberate skidding. Everyone enjoyed that.  We only had one mishap when one of my lads took a bend a little too quickly on a mock test and we lost the back end. None the less a valuable lesson learned.

The local test centr ran no tests at all for four weeks. The waiting list is now up to 12 weeks. I hope that they start working Saturdays to get the time down. I lost two tests andre booking  are now running into April.

I have decided to get onto Facebook. Not really into all the social networking stuff but everyone says it is a must both for me and the business. I wil let you know how I get on.

At the end of hall Road we were going to turn right into Ipswich road. harry decised tat teh hort route was the best and made to go to the right of the keep left bollards. Luckily I sussed him in time and we kept on the left. 'I wondered where the on coming traffic would go' he said. He passed his test two weeks later.

During a coutry run we were approaching a narrow bridge at Coltishall. There is room for two cars but not anything big. All was clear on approach but a big van came on at speed from the opposite direction and  showed no signs of stopping. Bakes were hit hard all round and we slithered to a stop inches apart. He must have know he was in the wrong because he reversed back off the bridge without any need for  polite negotiation on my part. 

December 2009

A Happy New Year to all my clients and readers.

It never surprises me when folk refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. Recently approaching a roundabout with Geraldine, I asked her to follow the road ahead. She correctly got into the left lane but then was following the road round to the right. As there was a car on our shoulder I grabbed the wheel and shouted ‘this exit’. After we had progressed I asked her why she had failed to follow the road.’ Well I was going to but you shouting and grabbing the wheel confused me’. I suggested that my actions were effect not cause but she wouldn’t have any of it. It seems it was all down to the instructor.

We were driving down St Stephens street approaching one of the pedestrian crossings that was showing green for cars when a man and woman tried to cross in front of us. The woman tried to grab the man’s arm to prevent him crossing but he pulled away and marched in front of us. She stepped back but he carried on oblivious that we had had to come to an abrupt halt. She then gave us a Simpsonesque ‘Doohhh’ look whilst he halted on the other side of the road and started cursing her for not keeping up.

On my next trip into the city I was treated to a mouthful from a man who whilst only approaching a zebra crossing seemed to think it OK to race out in front of us to make us stop. This he did and then proceeded to shout at us for not giving way. As they say the only qualification you need to be a pedestrian is a pulse.

You try hard not to laugh at others misfortunes but I was put hard to the test recently. At the Test Centre the instructors were gathered on the steps as our drivers came back from their test. One young lady came into the car park a bit fast and failed to stop inside the bay designated. She not only hit the far end kerb with a wallop but also kept on into the hedge behind it.  It is reported that her first words to the examiner were ‘I suppose this means that I have failed?’

Terry is not a bad driver but when I took her out in the dark for the first time , it was quite an eye-opener. She was awful missing almost all the clues ahead and even some obvious things like traffic lights.  She was so shocked by the experience that she went to see her optician and was told that she suffers from night blindness, a condition she has probably had all her life but only surfacing when driving.

November 2009

Overtaking etiquette seems to be getting worse. Recently we were driving at a reasonable speed and were overtaken by a chap who had to do the whole thing on the wrong side of closed hatch lines. What's the hurry????

A few days later we were waiting to cross through a yellow box junction (our exit was not clear) when a car came past and pulled up behind the vehicle in front of us. Naturally he was blocking the yelow box. Bad observation or just plain ignorant????

Scotty did a classic the other day. A bus in front was stationary and he pulled in behind him. Only when folk started to get off the bus did he realise that it was a bus stop. The moral of the story is always look ahead and read the road.  

Ross passed his test this month. But it was a close thing. I always say that you will not fail the test on multiple minor errors (you are allowed 15) but  he came close racking up exactly 15.

The Theory Test is regarded by many as being a bit of a doddle. However the pass rate is only 50%. I always advise to get a move on as soon as lessons start but at the time of writing I have four pupills who are ready to be put in for their road test but have not yet passed  their Theory so are stuck.

October 2009

A few interestng things from the local test centre.The pass rate has risen by 10% since the move from Jupiter Road. This must be down to the easier routes.  So why is the waiting time for a test now 13 weeks?

On Ipswich road recently when an ADI learner car wanted to turn right. Having to await the light change before moving off, the learner was a bit slow and didn't get through before lateral traffic started to move across them. Naturally they waited but shortly after there was a gap and the ADI obviously instructed the learner to proceed against the red light. Even our own profession let us down sometimes. . 

Recently I had a real scare. An elderly lady had not driven for a while and wanted to start again.  I took her out and she was clearly a sub standard driver. However as we went over the crossroads at the bottom of Prince of Wales Road - heading east toward the railway station - she accelerated hard and went toward the right hand side of the keep left bollard. I had to brake her and grab the wheel. She was badly shaken and apologised saying that she was not used to the streets of the city and usually only drove around her local estate elsewhere in the county. Some commentators call for  regular retests for all drivers and at times it is difficult not to agree with them.

Presence of mind is essential when driving. This came home to me when I was waiting to get onto the Wroxham Road roundabout at the cross with the Ring Road. Blues and two came from the right. All the traffic on the busy roundabout came to a complete stop exactly where they were. The road was blocked and it took the ambulance  quite a while to force its way through. Why dont people think a bit more befor ethey act on a reflex?

Plonker of the month must go to the resident of one of the local estates who came out to berate me for undertaking a reverse park around her car. Although I asured her that her car was perfectly safe - witness the lack of scratches on my vehicle - she was very forthright in telling me to move on. Light banter it was not and I do object to being told what to do whilst on the Queens highway. Anyway she said she was going to report me. To whom and for what I have yet to discover.

Two tests on the same day recently almost proved a double disaster. Firstly Jack had us turning up at the Test Centre at 10.44 only to be told that the booking was for 10.14. So ££££ down the drain and a couple of months lost before the next test slot.  Jessica failed the eyesight test. However upon getting out the tape measure (which brings candidates about three metres closer to the required numberplate) she passed not only the eyesight test but the driving test as well.    

September 2009

Plonker of the month goes to the idiot driving a cream and gold stretch limo along Mousehold Lane. At the lights he took up a position in the right lane and then promptly turned left. Unfortunately we were at the front of the queue in the left lane and I had to take hasty avoiding action. It would have been bad enough if it had been an ordinary car but one that was 40 ft long..........  

I know that cyclists sometimes get a raw deal from car drivers but sometimes they are their own worst enemies. Waiting to cross Newmarket Road at a red light, not one but five cyclists came through past us and fed into the busy main road traffic. Red light. What red light???

Got a bit embarrased the other day a new pupil came into the car wearing a Led Zeppelin T shirt. I immediately pounced on him and started eulogising about the greatest band the world has ever known.  He said nothing for a while and then informed me that the shirt was not his, but his brothers and he had just borrowed it. Not only that, but he doesn't even like Zeppelin. Exit one deflated old rocker. 

York Road was the scene of an interesting event last week. York Road is blocked off to reduce rat running. Vicky drove purposefully toward the line of concrete pillars and breaked to a halt a few yards from them.'The road is blocked ahead. What can I do?' 'How about taking this road immediately on our right?' I suggested. 'But you have always said to follow the road ahead unless otherwise directed' she replied. Yeeesss, there must be some lesson about forward observation here perhaps.

One of my lads was always cancelling lessons at the last minute. Eventually I had enough and told him that I was making a charge for the missed lesson (55 minutes notice). I'm not paying that he said and was unable to see my point about being unable to fill the slot at such short notice. So we agreed to part on bad terms.

Kity braked hard the other day for absolutely no reason and we almost got shunted up the rear. 'Why did you do that ?' I asked.'Because I thought I was pressing the clutch but I used the wrong foot' she replied. 

August 2009

Good times happen when pupils pass who you probably didn't expect to. Lesley was not a good driver but passed with flying colours. She was so happy - and so was I.

Had a great misunderstanding with a chap the other day. English was not his mother tongue and when he failed to look ahead and see a hazard, I suggested that he needed to have his eyes peeled. He looked at me in horror and said that he didn't realise that he would have to have an operation to improve his eyesight.

August is always a busy month. Despite lots of clients going on holiday and students returning to their long term base, there is always lots of new business around. Remembering that the best of the weather is now behind us and the nights are drawing in, I wonder why June is not the month when most potential drivers turn their thoughts toward lessons. Anyway I am completely booked up and am relying on some test passes to create a little space in the diary.

Interesting figures drawn from the Norfolk Constabulary web site. Many folks belive that speed cameras are nothing other than a money making exercise. However the facts show that the number of crashes at the sites of the fixed speed cameras in Norwich falls by almost two thirds (comparing the three years post siting of the camera with the three years previous) and injuries by an amazing 80%. Also the proportion of vehicles breaking the limit at that point falls from 58% to 28% - naturally most of these are below the level to trigger the cameras.

Plonker of the month has to be the chap approaching the road works at the bottom of Whitefriars , who was so keen to get in front of my pupil on appraoch to the works, that he not only made us brake sharply to let him in, but also hit the cones on approach.  I am sure that he was pleased to have achieved his objective of getting in front of the learner.

More stats to ponder. The accidents figures for 2005 have just been released by the Dept. of Transport. ( I know it is a big report but in these days of spread sheets and super computers, why does it take until August 2007 to compile statistics for the period ending Decemebr 2005? ). Figures for crashes and accidents in total are flat but two interesting facts emerge. Motor bikes are over 30 times more likely to have an injury than car drivers; and of nearly 3300 people killed on our roads only 8 - yes that right EIGHT - were injured  in 20 mph zones.  

 July 2009

Jilly one of my new girls and I got off to a good start and things were progressing well until the start of this month. Then every bit of advice I offered was greeted with a snarl and a 'stop going on at me' attitude. After a while I got her to stop the car and asked her to try to focus on the driving and to put whatever else was going on out of her mind. 'There is nothing wrong' she barked. This was follwed by tears. Eventually we got to the bottom of the problem. She had tried to give up smoking from the July 1st ban and was finding it very stressful - she was not the only one affected.

Venkata excelled this month. One one lesson I requested a left turn at a roundabout. As she approached she moved into the right hand lane . 'No, no, into the left lane' I said. At the next roundabout I requested a right turn. She approached in the left lane. 'No, no, right lane' I suggested. 'I wish you would make your mind up, you told me left lane last time' she replied.

Steve is one of the many who have occasional/regular trouble telling their left from their right. As we approached a blind junction in third gear the other evening I suggested a gear change would be useful. He hit the brakes very hard and we came to a sudden halt. Luckily nothing was behind at the time. 'Sorry' he said ' my left foot doesn't know what my right foot is doing.'

The Government is considering proposals from the House of Commons Committee looking into the accident rate among young people on the roads today. Some suggestions may make a big difference to the way we do things. No tests before 18 years of age, minimum number of lessons spread out over 12 months, and restrictions on hours and numbers of passengers are just some of them. However whilst there was criticism of the quality of the tuition provided by the driving instructors, no mention was made of the fact that 40% of those being paid to teach driving are not qualified. Surely an easy fix for that particular problem. 

June 2009

The other day I met a guy who must rank as the most arrogant git on the planet. 'I have a high performance car and I am an excellent driver' he opined. 'I should be allowed to use my discretion to decide what speed is safe for my car'. He was being serious. Apart from the 37,207 good reasons why his plan was ludicrous (which I put to him and he dismissed) it did seem like a good idea until I remembered that this guy was a total blockhead and therefore even more dangerous on the roads than most.

I took Venkata out onto the dual carraigeway this month. It was the last thing left to teach on the syllabus, so it had to be done. I was well chuffed with myself for having plucked up the courage to do it - and surviving to tell the tale. Main problem was that she steered at 70 mph the same way as she does when doing a three point turn.

I hate pedestrains. Going through the city recently two old dames were standing at a Pelican Crossing. My pupil did all the right things and we came to a smooth halt. They stood looking at us and at the crossing but did not move. The lights then changed and at the very moment when my lad was pulling away they started to cross. Don't you just love it when............    

New pupil Danny pulled up to lights on red and stopped. 'Get ready to go when the lights change' I said. Amber changed to Green and Danny carefully set his gas. Then the left foot came up of the clutch with great deliberation. We had just reached the biting point when the lights changed back to red again. ' A tad quicker next time' I suggested.

Some folks just do not understand the system. I got a call from a chap who wanted to have an intensive course 'next week'. I explained that such courses had to be booked well in advance and no instructor could drop everything for one client at such short notice. I went on to explain that these courses should be immediately prior to the test for best effect. 'Have you booked  the test yet? '. No he hadn't and had no idea that there was a nine week waiting list at Norwich Test Centre. 'When did you pass your Theory Test?' I asked. 'What Theory Test?' he replied. However he had saved his best answer for last. 'I assume that you have got a licence?' I asked. 'Not exactly, but I have go the application form from the Post Office'.

And finally to the Plonker of the Month award which this month must to the lady on Blenheim Crescent who reversed out of her drive just as my pupil and I were in the middle of a three point turn. She pulled up tight behind us so we could not go back. However her timing was so exquisive that she could not go forward either. We were stuck in the middle of the road in a tight log jam that a beaver would have been proud of. The only way out was for her to reverse back into her drive. This she did but only after a bus came the other way.  

May 2009

Tootling through Norwich the other day having just gone through a green light and my pupil and I were astonished to see a chap driving straight toward us on our side of the road. We had nowhere to hide so we stopped and hoped that he would do likewise. He started flashing his lights and beckoning us to get out of his way. I dropped my window to enquire about his health and was informed that we were in a one way street going the wrong way. Strange as I go on this road every day and had never noticed before. The argument was ended by a bus coming up behind us reinforcing the position that we were in the right and matey was a total plonker.  

I was driving past Wyvale Garden Centre (you know the bit that looks like a 50 mph road but is actually 30) when I was overtaken at speed by a chap in a BMW who gave me a friendly one fingered salute as he passed, presumably for keeping to the speed limit. At the end of that stretch of road are traffic lights and my fast friend was held in a queue turning right. It gave me great pleasure to (slowly) drive past him on the left side going stright ahead. To be sure I gave him a big smile and a friendly wave as I went by. Result.

Lovely story from one of my ADI pals the other week.  Chap driving at 36 on the ring road in a 30 MPH zone. He had fitted an Angel that beeped at him as he approached the speed camera. His two daughters in the back seat shouted to him to slow down as the Angel was beeping. ' Shut up and let me concentrate on my driving' he bellowed just before the camera took his picture. To miss the road signs, camera, Angel and childrens advice in the space of a few seconds takes a special type of talent.

One element of my job that sometimes gets under my skin is a new client who says 'I need to have x hours of tuition to get me to test standard'. Well excuse me but how did you come to that conclusion? The result is usually that more hours are needed and if my advice is heeded then a test pass will result, but if not disappointment follows with an unhappy client complaining that it was all his instructors fault.  

One of my current boys, Jock, has bought a 2 lite car. He is 17 and still to book his test. 'How much was the insurance?' I asked. '£2100' was the reply. How much did the car cost. '£800'. Sometimes it is best to spend the money on the (more appropriate) car and cut your contribution to the insurance company shareholders.

My better half, Josie, had a prang this month. Stopping to turn left at a T junction, she was rear ended by a 4x4 who 'didn't see' her. We were lucky, she was OK and the car , though almost written off, is now back with us as good as new. The offending vehicle was not even scratched. Driving off road tanks under the guise of road safety is all very well , but I have to ask ' You may be safer but what about the rest of us?'

Finally for now, the Plonker of the Month award goes to the lady on Teco car park at Sprowston who decided to reverse out of a space without checking what was behind her - I was. She came backward, I couldn't go back myself as I had following traffic, so I honked my horn. This had no avail so I hit the horn harder and longer, still to no effect. Thankfully just as I was about to be rammed, another shopper waved furiously at her and she stopped in time. The motto has to be reverse into speces not out of them.  

April 2009

Jamie gets picked up from work for his lessons. There is always a female colleague standing smoking outside when I arrive (how do people get away with that????). The other week I picked him up at a later time and she was just leaving work at that moment. We followed her for over a mile in which time she committed two traffic violations and two pieces of seriously bad (though not illegal) driving. The following week she was back ourside puffing away and I couldn't resist giving her my card with a cheery 'I do remedial work for experienced drivers who need help as well'. She asked what did I mean and I explained what I had seen the previous week. She was amazed because she was not aware that she had done anything wrong. However I am still awaiting her call.

Driving in Magdalen Street, we pulled up behind a car that was stationery. 'Why have we stopped?' I asked. 'Because the car in front is not moving' was the reply. 'Any idea why that might be?'. 'No not really' was the response. 'Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that there is no driver in the car........' Like I say observation, observation, observation.

Zula caught me out he other day with a serious piece of braking for no apparent reason. Then I saw that it was her left foot that had braked.  'What is that all about?' I asked. 'I was trying to dip the clutch and hit the wrong pedal'.

Looking to turn right on a green arrow in Bowthorpe recently and I saw a motor bike coming toward me at speed. I decided to hang back a bit. Good job too, he came straight throught the red wiothout a drop in speed or any sign that he had even seen the crimson orb. 

Matt told me a tale of his boss at work who complained that his own father had recently lost his licence because of failng eyesight. 'But he only drives on roads that he knows so he doesn't need to see where he is going' he said. Some people........

Talking of some people, I was overtaken at speed outside Asda the other day by a 16 year ( he must have been 16 because he will not live to see 17)  L biker doing a wheelie. All very impressive but it was busy and wet. As I may have mentioned before some people......

March 2009

Sometimes it is easy to get on with clients, and I like to think that I can get on with almost anyone. However some folk just try to be difficult in their approach to others. Douglas, for example, is not a difficult person to teach to drive, but he is rather full of himself and is always trying to score points - he can be pedantic to the point of distraction sometimes. The other day he asked if there would definitely be an emergency stop on the test. I replied 'not always about a 2 in 3 chance  - around 70%'. ( I phase replies like that because some people are not comfortable with fractions). 'Which is it then 2/3 or 70%?' he responded. When I replied that they were approximately the same and I didn't want to say 66.67% but preferred to round the percentatge, he told me that 65% would be a better rounded figure than 70% for accuracy. On the basis that this conversation was both pointless and was starting to wind me up, I terminated the exchange.   I hope he passes first time.

Tina came back into the Test Centre looking good (and at that point had only a handful of minor errors on her sheet). She then reversed back into a bay as directed, but covered the line, so she drew forward and reversed again into the exact same place.   The third attempt was identical and only on the fourth did she get it right. Strange thing, nerves, and very distressing when you have got within two metres of passing your test. 

Had a couple of near misses whilst driving myself durnig the month. Firstly when turning left just after an occupied bus stop, the bus decided to pull away without mirror or signal. LUckil;y I caught sight of him in my nearside mirror and straghtened up in time.

A few days later I was signalling to turn right into a clients driveway at the start of a lesson, when I saw  woman driving fast behind me. I slowed and kept a check on the offside mirror and sure enough she overtook me despite my extended signal. That was again close and down to an even greater degree of stupidity than the bus driver.

February 2009

Coming back to Norwich City College at the end of a lesson we were heading north along Ipswich Road when I spotted a chap parked on the left with his brake lights on. The lights went off and I said to ther driver, Mark, 'watch this lad on the left he might pull out in front of you'. I was only half right because not only did he pull out but he did a complete U turn across us. We stopped pretty quickly but I remeinded Mark that he must treat all other drivers as potential idiots except him and me (and I wonder about him sometimes).

I had a new pupil recently who was not very good at using her mirrors. After a while I got a bit fed up with reminding her about it and said that she would never pass her test if she didn't get a bit smarter at using her glassware. She replied that 'My friend, who has just passed her test, says that you only need to pretend to look in the mirror to fool the examiner'. Brilliant logic. Apart from the fact that it isnt true, I wondered why anyone would want to go to the trouble of pretending to look but not really doing it; what is the point of that?????

I used to have a Chinese chap recently with a completely unpronounceable name. 'Call me John' he said - no problem, John it was. We made little progress and parted company. I saw him recently up at the Test Centre with a new instructor. We chatted and when he had gone for his Test the instuctor was puzzled why I kept calling him John. 'He told me to call him Roger' she said. Split personality perhaps?

Nerves can play a heck of a part in driving sometimes, especially on Test. I gave a mock test to Annie and she made 14 serious errors (Nil allowed on the test)  - she is not a bad driver but just went to pieces because it was a bit more formal than a normal lesson.

I know that we all have to get on together but some people push hard at times. I was parked up in an almost empty street briefing one of my clients and causing no one any harm. A chap pulls up exactly opposite us, got out of his car and walked into an adjacent house (presumably he lived there) thus causing a complete blockage of the road.  I had no option but to move on. He could have parked a cars length away or better still used his driveway but I guess he was making a point.

Another guy queueing at traffic lights opens his door and throws the remains of his fast food lunch including all the packaging onto the verge.   Obviously thinks that the rules of civilization do not apply to him.

January 2009

January started badly for me as for the first time ever the Peugeot let me down. It was the first Saturday morning of the year and my local garage was enjoying an extended Christmas Break. I therefore had to go to the other garage in the village where I live. Sadly they couldn’t get the part they needed till Monday and then when I went top pick the car up, they had found a different fault to that diagnosed – so I was without the car for another day.

This period included three tests which I had to make alternative arrangements for. One was scheduled for the Monday morning but, as a result of frost overnight all tests were cancelled until after lunch. I had already paid a colleague to take my candidate to test and so was even further out of pocket.  Four days of no income was exacerbated by a bill of several hundred ££££ when I finally picked up the car.

One of the three tests mentioned above was got around by Steve taking it in his own car. Not only did he pass but with zero mistakes. This is the first time I have ever had that since becoming an instructor. Possibly I might adopt this as a strategy again……..

Getting left and right mixed up is not a new problem to learner drivers. However the skill was taken to new heights by Dominic recently. Whilst turning right of Wroxham Road into a side road he signalled right and checked his left mirror. ‘No’, I advised’ check right before turning’. He promptly put on his left indicator and turned left.

Some drivers are courteous to learners and that is to be welcomed; however over courteous behaviour can confuse and at times be downright dangerous. Recently we were approaching a roundabout wishing to turn right. A vehicle already on the roundabout, stopped and flashed us out in font. Both my learner and I were surprised but not half as much as the guy following the stopped car on the roundabout. Over the top manners almost caused a rear end shunt.  

Coming down Aylsham Road the other day and we heard sirens behind. My learner correctly pulled over to the left side with a signal. A white van was following and he did the same. A police car zoomed past us and as we pulled back into the flow of traffic the van accelerated hard and cut us up. It takes a special gift to be thoughtless, aggressive, dangerous  and ignorant a the same time but he managed it.

December 2008

So there we were quietly doing a three point turn without a care in the world. On about three occasions since I have been a driving instructor, an impatient driver has gone up the pavement to get past us. Naturally you keep an eye out for such impatient behaviour but new hights were about to be reached. A refuse lorry came on from our left and didn't even slow down - straight up the front of us with two wheels on the pavement and on his way. Prety dangerous stuff given his size and speed.

Coming down Hall Road the other day, a police car was pulling out of the side road adjacent to the police station turning left. A woman was driving her car south coming out of the city. The police driver put on his blues but the lady kept on coming, therby preventing him pulling out. As soon as she had got past the side road , she hit the brakes and stopped about one car length in front of the police car. He then had great difficulty in getting out around her because of oncoming traffic. Earlier or later would have been fine but that particular spot was absolutely not where to pull over.

Waiting to go over the pedestrian crossing in St Andrews, I witnessed cycling manners at their worst. Pedestrains were crossing a the time and cars were queueing but a chap on a push bike came straight past the line of cars and over the crossing weaving throught he pedestrains and causing great confusion - not to mention danger. Why can't these people stick to the rules of the road?

Mobile phones are not just a menace when used by drivers but also pedestrians. A chap on the phone walked out in front of me on the inner ring road the other day. I had to slow down as he didn't look before crossing but there was no real danger. However as soon as he got to the midle of the road he tured on his heel and went back to the pavement from where he started - this time I had to do an emergency stop and nealy got rear-ended for my trouble. Amazingly he still didn't look at the mayhem he was causing.

Venkata keeps trying to kill me off. This time we were travelling safely in the left hand lane and suddenly she pulled hard right. A car was overtaking so I had to grab the wheel and get us safe. 'What are you doing?' I asked. 'There was a bus lane so I had to pull out' she replied. It was a BUS STOP not a bus lane.

Finally for this month I had a test booked with one of my lads, Tim. The day prior to the test I was snatching a bite of lunch and the phone went. A panicking voice asked where I was. It was Tim in a bit of a state bacause his test was in minutes and there was no sign of me. 'But your test is on the 15th, ' I said. 'But today is the 15th' he replied, He went away for a few seconds and came back 'Oh ##### .......it is only the 14th today.'  We all get a bit confused sometimes - a happy ending though - he passed next day. 

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year.  

November 2008

Snow came to Norwich during the month. Everyone assumed that I would be cancelling lessons but only a few inches fell and my first two pupils that morning did well - with a little help of course- and gained valuable insights into bad weather driving. On a number of occesions we were held up by experienced drivers spinning their wheels under high revving. High gear, low revs is what you need and it worked fine for novice drivers. What those struggleing with spinning wheels must have thought as a learner coasted serenely past them, I cannot imagine.By lunchtime I had to call it a day, not because the road were impassable, but because so many experienced drivers were preventing any progress being made by other road users..

I was with Percepta heading east on the outer ring road toward Nottcutts. When we got to the Newmarket Road roundabout we turned right , third exit. As we were coming off the roundabout (in the right hand lane) a young girl driver zoomed up our inside and beat us off the road into the only lane available to us. Luckily she was going like a bat out of hell as if she had merely been accelerating hard we would have collided. Strangely for someone in such a rush , she turned next left, as did we, and then immediatley parked up and got out of the car. Drive fast if you must but please have a reason.

Observation is a key element of becoming a good driver. I always encourage looking well ahead as well as closer to the vehicle. Therefore I was not impressed when Rainy whilst following a bus, saw it indicate left, stop and she pulled up right behind it. 'The bus has stopped at a bus stop' I advised her. 'Oh I wondered why it wasn't moving' she replied. This has happened to me before but I was amazed when just two days later, Patricia did exactly the same thing on a different road. I'm waiting for bus number three.

Picked up the new girl, Flossie, and gave her the basic eye test. Not so good. So I asked if she had glasses. 'Yes, but I never wear them' she replied. The glasses helped but not much so she went off to her optician. Great joy the following week when she paraded in  her new specs. 'It's fantastic, I can see so much more than for years'. A nice free bit of consultancy from your truly.

Helga works nights. We used to have morning lessons but she had difficulty in concentrating. 'I am too tired in the mornings' she said. So we switched to afternoons. No improvemnt. ' I am too tired in the afternoons' she said. Answers on a postcard please.

October 2008

Monty passed at first attempt this month. I felt really good about it because when we first started he didn't have a clue. But slowly and surely he began to get to grips with it and it was no surprise when he checked out first time. Good man!!!!

Lara failed her test today. She was upset and cried. I am prepared and have tissues in the glove box. Unfortunately I was not quick enough and my jacket shoulder now needs dry cleaning from a mixture of tears and sn#t.

Carmena has English as a second language. I told her to stop pussyfooting around the other day. After a long silence she asked ' Richard, what is a pussy foot?'

Bilbo recently came to me having completed a ban for driving with no licence, insurance or tax. 'The police pulled me over and when they found out I had no formal documentation they threw the book at me' he said. 'How come you have six points on your licence?' I enquired. 'Well I thought that they would never think that I would be so stupid as to carry on driving. so that is what I did' he replied.  

Kitty and I were overtaken at great speed by a Subaru Imprezza the other day. 'Who does that plonker think he is trying to impress?' I asked. 'Me', she replied, 'he is my ex-boyfriend'. The following week he was back in favour; so speed does count for some things.  

September 2008

Seamus took his test agin early this month. Big improvement - however he did include a major mistake in his handful of minors, so the result was the same as usual. He managed to hit a parked car whilst overtaking. Luckily only with my wing mirror, which was not damaged - only repositioned.  The examiner assured me that no damage was dne to the parked car although they did not stop to check.

Driving around one of my favourite estates, Welsford Road, when a youg girl with her hood up stepped straight out in front of us. Not a look even when we slithered to a halt a few feet away from her. Maybe she had on her I POD and couldn't hear anything. Very stupid.

Doing a reverse park the other day. All going well when a car came towards us. I guess there was about one metre of road space available, but he didn't slow down. I was waiting for something awful to happen when he steered smoothly up onto the pavement at around 25 mph,  passed us, and on his way without a second thought. This of course could be the answer to our congestion problems - drive on the pavement.

I was visiting my driving insructor friend, John, in Leicester at the weekend. He pointed out a new traffic light sequence ahead where, for those not paying attention, it would be possible to drive through on red. The lights came to a red and we came to a halt.   As if on cue, a car came by on our side and as the wrong set of lights changed to green he sped off. Luckily he was not hit by any cross traffic. Perhaps my buddy should take over from Derren Brown in predicting death and destruction.

Ran a new one day course on ECO Driving for the Energy Saving Trust the other day. Not done many before but it went very well.  Being greener is very much the flavour of the month right now.

On the last day of the month Seamus took his test for a sixth time and passed with only a few errors. Well done him. I knew he would get there eventually.

August  2008

A quiet estate road lies before us. Another learner is undertaking a three point turn and so we sit a few yeards back and wait. A Chelsea tractor comes up behind us, overtakes and then has to stop immediately and sit there due to the obstruction no more than 20 yards ahead. Sometimes you want to get out of the car and ask the other driver why they thought we had stopped.

On a different track, I found a Kestrell in my front garden looking very dazed. I left it be hoping it would recover and fly away, but it didn't. I phoned a local rescue centre and they asked me to take it in to them. Luckily I had a spare hour and so I did. I got to see the vet examine the bird really close up - what a lovely creature it was. Sadly it had internal damage and died the next day - however I knew that I had done the right thing.

Driving near the UEA recently, a man was sprawled out on the pavement, obviously drunk. To my horror as we approached within a few yards of him he suddenly lurched at the car and banged his fist on the near front panel.   Thankfully no damage was done either to him or the car.

I have a new pupil whom I am sure will feature in this blog regularly over the months (maybe years) that lie ahead. I will call her Bella. She is without doubt the most inept learner I have yet come across. Most worrying is her lack of steering ability.  However usually when a pupil is heading for danger I can pull or push the wheel to safety and they let me. This lady is holding the wheel so ferociously that my efforts are in vain - she resists my pressure and brakes are required to keep us safe.

Seamus, who you will recall failed his last test with 22 minor errors, failed again this week by rearranging my near side wing mirror during the test. The night before on a lesson he had got into the right hand lane on Riverside Road approaching the junction at the Railway Station with the intention of turning into Prince of Wales Road. We came to a stop awaiting a gap in oncoming traffic and suddenly Seamus hooked the wheel hard left to put us in to the left lane. Thankfully nothing was coming. Explanation? 'I dont know what came over me'.

I love pedestrians especailly in the City centre.Some cross without even looking, others race you to the vacant bit of road.   However the most common issue is when facing a red man at shared lights, many pedestrians will assume that just because cars are not moving that it is ok to cross. As soon as they start to move the cars get a green light and have to then wait for the scurrying pedestrain. Surely rules is rules whether you are in a car, on a bike or on foot. 

July 2008

Whilst doing my short demonstration drive on a recent Speed Awareness Course, I was giving a commentary to my clients. A woman on a push bike approached from a side road on the right and I said that I would keep an eye on her as she was a possible hazard. Without more ado the biker kept on coming over into the main road immediately in front of me. Stranglely she was looking right at me. I hit the brakes hard and stopped a few inches from her. She then proceeded to cure me loudly before cycling off into the distance.

I always say to my learners that you will never fail your test by committing over 15 minor errors. I now have to revise my shpeel after Seamus managed 20 recently. Usually if you drive that badly there is sure to be a major mistake in there as well but not on this occassion. He is not a bad driver but was overtaken by nerves.

Dorian passed her test with ease and was over the moon. Not just over but stratospheric. She cried and cried with joy. Then she cried some more. In fact she cried all the way home. I have never seen anyone so happy.

The Speed Awareness Course is always a good source of stories. Last week I had a chap who drove for me for one hour and committed 19 speeding faults in that time. He said that he had been driving for 37 years and never got a ticket before. I suggested that he had been a very lucky guy.

Out with Kitty the other day and she was asked to turn right at the end of the road. She promptly pulled over to the right and approached the junction on the wrong side of the road. A quick grab of the wheel from yours truly got us safe again. When asked what was going on she said she was confused and had had a hard day at work. Lets hope she doesn't have too many tough days after she passes her test.

June 2008

In the golden triange recently we turned round a tight corner to be greeted by a taxi driver head on. As cars were parked on either side of the road this was unavoidable but what followed was a gem of selfishness. The taxi driver had a space to reverse into just behind him but chose to push on toward us and make us do the reversing. Not only was this back around the bend (not advisable) but very tight even for an experienced driver. My learner took a long time, with my help, to get a long way back to a place where we could pull over. The taxi driver kept right up on our bumper and then drove past without any acknowledgement.

On the ring road Sally approached a Pickfords Van (about as big a vehicle as you can meet) stopped in front of us with his hazard lights on. I suggested that she consider her way ahead and she responded by stopping close up behind the van. Her plan , it appeared, was to wait for the van to  move off despite the road being clear. 'What if he has broken down?' I asked. 'Then we might be here for some time' she replied.

The event of the year was on 14th when my daughter Charlene got married to Chris. The day was a resounding success with good weather, a lovely sevice and reception and no hiccups. It left a very tired but proud father a the end of the weekend.

May 2008

The focus this month has been very much on my daughter's wedding which takes place next month. So much to do and keeping the job on the road as well. Luckily my wife is very well organised and hopefully all will go well on the day.

Whilst doing a bay park on the Earlham Park car park we were gobsmacked at the approach to road saety shown by an oriental woman. We were alresady half way into the bay when she ushered her children around the back of us toward a nearby car. We only saw her late as she was hidden by the vehicle next to us. My pupil stopped and the family proceeded as if we weren't there. She must have seen us but still proceeded to urge the children on through the tiniest of gaps.

Had a minor bump this month. Stopped at the raffic lights on the roundabout just up from the Catholic Cathedral. Bang - we were hit up the rear. Very slight damage but the response of the driver was priceless. When I enquired if he had not seen the red light  he responded ' Yes but I didn't think you were going to stop there'. I resisted the temptation to ask just where he would like me to stop for a red light.

Good month for tests - six passes and only one fail. Trouble is I now have a thinner appointment book. Still its got to be good for the blood pressure.

The one failure was Dave who had not driven since he failed two months ago. However he decided, against my advice, that he didnt need any extra time behind the wheel before his latest attempt - and failed again. It must be the height of optimism to believe that you can improve as a driver by allowing weeks to elapse without any practice.  

April 2008

Stopped on a straight domestic road to make a call and was amazed to see a car pull right up behind me. After I had waved him on he dropped his window and advised me that I should turn my engine off when parked as he thought I was about to pull away.

Another BMW driver caused us grief this month by pulling into our left side when we were trying to exit the Chapelfield roundabout. Good job one of us was checking the nead side mirror.

Has a shock on Branscome Road when a sport car shot out from the left at the T junction only a foot or so from the kerb. Not only was he going fast but in reverse. My learner did a very good unscheduled stop.

Not quit so smart was Barry who pulled up right behind a bin lorry. 'Are we staying here then?' I asked. 'Well he will be moving off in a mo' he said. At that moment two bin men both pulling full bins came from across the road and began to decant the contents into the back of the lorry. 'Not yet he wont' I advised.

Lots of stupid drivers together made a single track road works goverend by temporary lights close to a single track bridge a complete nightmare. A right log jam it was as neither left space for the other traffic flow and we all ground to a complete standstill which could have been avoided if only a couple of them had looked ahead and seen their way forward was blocked.

Plonker of the month goes to the idiot who missed his turn on the Aylesham Road/ Mile Cross junction. A busy crossroad controlled by lights. He just realised he should have turned right, stopped his car (preventing following traffic from cleaing the junction, and pulled across the opposite flow of cars only about five yards from the actual crossroad. What a complete toxxer.

March 2008

I have been asked if I want to train up as a driving instructor trainer. I went for an assessment to the LDC headquarters in Pontefract and was accepted onto the programme. hard work though, it will be tough as the standards expected are very high.

Was going along Church Road , a 20 mph zone, when we were overtaken by a cyclist. No problem with that but he was riding on the pavement at the time. Luckily no pedestrians came in the other direction.

Gill was on her pre test lesson and we waited in a street for another learner to complete a three point turn. We were amazed to be overtaken by a third learner as we sat there. Bad news for them - they were on test. No doubt about the result of that one. Incidentally Gill passed later that morning.

Seamus puled away from the Test Centre the other day. Unfortunately he was not wearing his seat belt. Immediate fail. Amazing how nerves can make your brain go to jelly.

Had a number of bad experiences with other learners this month. We followed one well known local school onto Comet car park - well loved by most driving schools as it is so close to the Test Centre. He stopped in front of us and immediately began to reverse into a space beside us. 'Dont worry,' I told my learner. 'He has not checked behind but his instructor will soon stop him'. Unfortunately not so and we needed to give him a honk to stop a collision.

Plonker of the month goes to the prat who overtook us at speed on a blind bend near the airport. Not wishing to typecast but he was wearing a baseball cap and drove a BMW.

February 2008

The lease on the driving school car expires at the end of March and I have had to give thought to what to do next. I could get another similar but newer car, ditto but go for a four door version (might be useful see next story below), keep leasing this one or buy it from the leasing company. After much thought it is the last option that I have decided to go with. I will then have something worth around £4500 to trade in on a new model in 18 months time. Sure I will have to pick up the bills currently enjoyed by the lesor but that will be less that £1000 I hope.

A four door car would have been really useful on one of the recent speed awareness courses. An old chap whom we shall call Brian, got into the back of the car to await his turn to drive. He had great trouble doing this because he was elderly, immobile and very big. I knew we would have problems getting him out again and so it proved. Head first, bum first, feet first nothing worked. Eventually he fell backwards legs kicking in the air. One of the other drivers and I ended up dragging him out by his feet far enough for him to get vertical on the pavement. If we had failed he would have had to stay in there  for ever. Its OK I would have taken sandwiches to him on a regular basis.

David failed his test this month by driving at 30 all the way along a 20 mph zone. 'I didn't see the speed signpost' he lamented. 'What about all those speed bumps?' I queried. 'Ah, yes..... but you have never taken me down that road before' he replied. PS He passed three weeks later.

Talking of speed bumps Sandy drove at similar speed to David whilst on a mock test with me. The first two bumps sent shock waves throught he car and myself. The third set off the computer alert systems that kicks in when you have had a crash. I had had enough. 'STOP. Pull over' I shouted. 'Do you think that this road is a bit too bumpy for this speed?' 'Yes!' she replied. 'I think the council should be ashamed of themselves'. So this month the Plonker award goes to one of my own pupils - Sandy.

Looking ahead is vital. Imagine my surprise when Jim approached a T junction where a blind woman was crossing. There was no sign of him slowing down so I braked him. He confirmed that he had not seen the blind woman. Seems she was not the right one to be carrying a white stick......

Finally for this month Brad and I had the joy of approaching the new B&Q roundabout on Hall Lane. There coming toward us on the wrong side of the roundabout was an old boy doing about 20 mph. We stopped and he drove past us on our side of the road with a cheery wave.